I have a problem.
I can NOT make eye contact. Period.
To clarify, I can make eye contact with people I know… but even that is sometimes a bit painful. Sometimes, when someone is talking to me I can’t pay attention to what they’re saying because I’m all like, “OH SHIT, where do I look?! I don’t want to look into their eyes because they’re going to suck my soul out of me, but I don’t want them to think I’m rude so I’ll just stare at their nose oh shit they’re going to think I’m staring at their nose because it’s big WHERE DO I LOOK!”
Anyway, I turned 30 a few weeks ago. My resolution for this year is to learn how to make eye contact. So far, I’ve failed miserably.
Today, a hot guy at Starbucks kept trying to catch my eye. I walked past on the way to the bathroom and he turned to look at me… and I decided to find the floor very, very interesting. Then, he went outside to smoke, and after he was done i went out…. and he followed me outside and faced me and tried to make eye contact some more. Instead, I pretended to find the road construction down the street very, very interesting. DUMBASS.
Fifteen minutes later, I see someone approaching me out of the corner of my eye (but of course, I’m too scared to look). I think to myself “YAY hot guy is approaching and I didn’t even have to make eye contact!”
I look up, and it’s not hot guy… just some random ass dude that I accidentally made eye contact with earlier.
Him: “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”
Me: “No, I don’t believe so.”
Him: “I swear I do.”
Me: “Sorry, you must have me confused.”
Him: “Are you Latina?”
Him: “What are you then?”
Me: “Bosnian-Serb and German”
Him: “Is your last name Solis, by chance?”
Me: (Wouldn’t that make me Latina? Didn’t I just say I’m NOT Latina?) Nope, sorry.
Him: “Are you sure you’re not involved in the Latin community?”
Me: “Pretty sure.”
Him: “I know I’ve seen you at fundraisers for the Latin community before.”
Me: “Wasn’t me. Sorry.”
Him: “Do you have Latin friends that attend fundraisers for the Latin Community? Is that it?”
Me: (Thinking: What is this guy’s obsession with the Latin community?!) I do, but they are not involved with the ‘Latin Community’, sorry. NICE TO MEET YOU.”
Anyway, hot guy left, Latin Community Man decided to come back and ask me one last time if I was involved in the Latin Community via whatever-blibbity-blah-blah-nonprofit, and THIS, my friends, is why I don’t make eye contact.