Dear Mister Creepypants -
Just… fucking leave me alone. Please.
Sincerely,
The Management
April 2012
4 posts
Resolutions for my 20s
…Or rather, the last year that’s left of them. Because really, where did they go? I feel like I just turned 21.
Deferring to a list of advice my grandma wrote for me when I was a little girl:
- Stand tall
- Be aloof
- Moisturize
On a related note… THIS.
Chicago Department of Transportation: A Day in the Life of CDOT
Since I’m home sick today, I will be live-blogging the events of the hardworking gentlemen of CDOT across the street.
9:15am: Five gentlemen from CDOT stand around a half-made sidewalk.
9:54am: Muscular Guy in Tight Shirt walks down the block.
10:01am: Muscular Guy in Tight Shirt comes back down block.
10:02am: MGITS goes to his car.
10:06am: MGITS is missing. The four remaining stand around the half-made sidewalk. One is smoking a cigarette while another eats out of a bowl.
10:12am: All hardworking employees but one disappear. The lone remnant stares off into the sunrise.
10:29am: All employees but MGITS return.
10:32am: MGITS returns and sweeps the sidewalk.
10:54am: The hardworking members of CDOT stand around scratching their heads.
10:56am: A Latino man arrives and places a level on the sidewalk. The Five Hardworking CDOT Employees scratch their heads.
10:58am: CDOT Employee gets in his car, does a 3pt turn and goes the wrong way down the one-way street, much to the outrage of a local soccer mom who shouts in protest. CDOT turns back around and parks in the same spot he just embarked from.
11:38am: Having given up on observing the daily activities of our fine CDOT friends, I now look outside and notice that they are all napping in their respective cars. It must be time for that hard-earned nap.
12:31pm: SUCCESS!!! The team is back to work. Fat Bald Man has stretched and yawned and yelled “PUT THAT BACK” to someone down the sidewalk. MGITS is hammering. Trucks are going the wrong way down the street, and one man is riding around on a big John Deere Yellow Tractor for funsies.
YAY CHICAGO! The city that (finally) works. Well, Except for Fat Bald Man.
——-UPDATED——-
1:23pm: Work has been halted! Three CDOT employees ponder the meaning of life on the curb.
On a side note, the man in the sweatshirt has the most amazing Chicago accent I’ve ever heard. My dad has a pretty intense accent, and I can’t even understand half of what this man is trying to say.
“Udder mudder brudder da Cubs udder over derr” is all I made out.
——UPDATED——-
After seeing my blog post, my father has warned me that I need to remove this from the internets, lest the “Union Goons” spot this and come after me.
Come at me, Bros.
